Usually, i started my year with wrote previous year essentials. But, not this year. I choose to write here in my Medium, so i can write longer and more open. Yes, i’m an introvert, i don’t want many people know my feelings. I am more comfortable to write with a pseudonym, so i can write freely without worrying others.
Somehow, 2020 was a hodgepodge year, too many emotions happened in a one time. I laugh alot and cried alot, glad and upset in the same time. I think this is not only happens on me, but everyone. Pandemic, recession, stay at home, curfew, travelling limitation and prohibition. Desultory feelings.
However, 2020 was a good year for self recognition. While spending more time at home, i can have more time to contemplate about who i am, what i want, how i react. And now i realize, this is the most important thing, the essential one. Not many people realize it, mostly people think this is not important, they think they always and already know their self. Somehow, that’s not right.
Maybe yes, they know their self. When hard situation come, could they overcome nicely? Or they just let it crush them, and wait to be healed? It’s too late, healing is the last choice. Before it healed, it must be broken first. My question is, why they choose to be broken first, rather than doing prevention?
Honestly, i hate being hurt and broken. Being a broken home child is not easy and very tiring at the beginning, and this was my biggest scar. I hate the situation, my parents, people’s comments, etc. After passing all this sad scene, i become fully aware that self recognition is important. Knowing what the deepest heart wants is not easy as snap your fingers, you must deeply know yourself.
For now, i already know myself after spend years contemplating. Being friend with myself, is the best part of mine. I enjoy every moments, and have no regret. Yes, i live my life fully now. People may judges me, situation may mocks me, world may tortures me. It won’t hurt me anymore, because i know what my deepest heart wants, and that’s the best feelings.
And today, 36 days to my wedding day. I have passed all my life section with satisfaction, and i am ready for the new section ahead.
Next writing, i will write how i can overcome the bad scenes. An unforgettable life section.
